It has been a while since I posted and wanted to get something off my chest.
First off, my guild as a fun event for the past weekend decided on a trial run into Karazan. This place is a BLAST!! We had a good number of guild members attuned so we were able to keep the run in-house. I wasnt in the rotation for the initial run so I missed on the first boss kill but I was able to get in for a majority of the run and was in on the "animal" boss kill. We managed to skip the second floor and ran up to the third floor. I was amazed how a single 72 Elite managed to completely wipe out our entire party but when I checked my log and saw that he bitch-slapped me for over 7k I stopped being surprised. If you have a chance to get in here, you have to pay attention to what the concubines and mistresses are saying, borderline adult chat if you can read between the lines!! Overall the guild had a blast in there even though the Maiden of Virtue managed to wipe us out.
Now on to what has me wondering this week:
What is it about playing this game that seems to bring out the worst in people? Is it so much like a certain drug where it seems to "enhance" what people really are or is this just another case where anonymity allows people to exhibit personalities that are not their own?
Recently we went thru some typical guild drama in which we had players feeling "left out" in the cold while certian groups of players always were running together. Now a part of me agreed that far too often you would see a core group of the guild's leadership running together. The other part of me thought that this group of players had every right to run together as their schedules fit well and they were good friends. I think the issue came down to people not willing to take responsibility for instance runs on themselves and depended way to much on guild leadership. The drama came in when one person decided to be the voice of the disgruntled membership and started ripping guild leaders left and right over this issue.
So it made me wonder if all this drama was necessary or was this just someone who needed to step up on their own and get done what they needed to get done. What makes some of us driven to do what we have to and others always looking for handouts? Now I have no problem when guild crafters ask for assistance with resources when they are leveling and produce items for free, but those players who feel that at all times that membership in a guild means that members drop everything they do to help out just ticks me off.
more to come.....
Monday, April 9, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Remembering Jazz
Its late as I am writting this but when the need hits me I write so sue me. I had been thinking a lot recently about my friend Jazz and his impact on my life. See Jazz was the first pet I could really consider my own. I got him at least 10 years ago as a present to my then girlfriend as a replacement cat for her own childhood favorite cat Lucy who was given away without a chance for a goodbye. Well anyway, Jazz originally was Jasmine as we thought he was female of course until it became obvious what he was when two furry balls sprouted and answered the question for us permanently.
Now properly given his name of Jazz or Jazzie as my wife loved to call him, this cat became a mainstay of my next two apartments as he often found his favorite spots before I did. The funny thing about Jazz was that he had to have been a Gemini because he definitely displayed two personalities depending on if my wife was around or not. When it was just me and him in my apartment, he was my best friend constantly staying on my heels but when she would come over he fliped the script on me and would run out of his way to get past me as if I was beating him to get that little extra attention from my wife in her usual drawn out crying of his name Jazzzzzzieeeee! I swear the little stinker had it all planned out to make sure that he could never do wrong in her eyes.
Well since my wife and I had no children, Jazz was basically the fill in for that role in our household. The good thing was Jazz was very low maintenance as cats go since his favorite activity was a good nap and rarely put up much fuss for anything unless he was hungry and his bowl was empty. Over time Jazz let one of his personalities go and decided that I was finally his favorite and began to latch on me harder than he ever did with my wife. At the time I found this new attention extremely annoying as he often would poke his head under my hand right when I was in the middle of a particularly wicked gaming session. Little did I know how much this little activity of his would be important to me later.
Now keep in mind that a lot of Jazz's habits bothered the hell out of me, his new passion was to plant himself in that little nook between my office chair and the floor often without my knowledge which made moving around very difficult. But when it came to it he was still my oldest cat (we had two at this point) and I made sure that he was ignored with the occassional ear rubbing sessions that lasted just long enough for me to feel he was feeling special again.
During my last business trip my wife called concerned about Mr. Jazz. It seems that Jazz had taken to throwing up 4 times that day which wasnt all that unusual from Jazz as he had his moments when he would get too greedy with food and end up puking it up. So needless to say we were concerned but not to the point of being too worried about it just yet. Jazz had shown behavior like this before when I had been out of town so we hoped that when I returned in a day he would perk up like he always did when I got home. I got home and it did seem that the old man had perked up and was happy that I was home.
Well now he was showing strange signs in that he seemed a little sluggish and way to interested in his water dish. He spent so much time laying down with a slightly confused look on his face. What began to tip us off that something was wrong with him as he was now no longer participating in his favorite two activites one being laying in his favorite window and the other being eating food. For the next few days we hoped that he would come out of this funk he seemed to be in and get back to his old self. Alas he was not changing his new routine and was starting to have this really nasty drool off his mouth.
I rushed him to the vet to see what was wrong with me and noticed today his breath had a horrible smell to it that was much worse than the usual cat breath. The vet noticed it right away and seemed concerned and ordered bloodwork done on him. Unfortunately I got there too late for the daily pickup for the lab so I would have to wait till that weekend to find out the results of his test. The vet prepared me with the two most likely situations in which one was renal failure and the other just being feline diabetes. As horrible as it sounds I hoped for diabetes as at least we could deal with that even if the medications were expensive.
I had a weekend away from home planned with the wife as this happened to be the weekend after valentines day. We thought about how we would deal with giving him shots or whatever we would have to do to keep him around. It wasn't until early Saturday morning when we would get our answer. The vet called to tell me that Jazz's results came back and showed that he was in complete renal (kidney) failure and there was nothing that we could do except put him asleep to end his suffering. Even though I was prepared for this result, now that it was in my face my reaction to it was nothing like I expected. I hung up the phone telling the vet that I would be by as soon as possible to take care of the situation.
I break the news to my wife and it still feels like a lie coming out of my mouth as I don't want to believe it. And then it happened...emotion began pouring out of me. I always considered myself very contained when it came to emotional outbursts and usually able to not react like others do in emotional situations. Why did I now feel so much for this cat that merely days before I felt annoyed the shit out of me when I wanted solitude? Guilt poured out of me unlike ever before. Was this all my fault? Should I have seen this coming? The wife and I sat there for an hour crying about this as we got dressed to head home and pick up Jazz.
When we hit the door, it floored me all over again as his face was the first I saw as we entered the house. I still wasnt ready for all of this. I never had to look death in the eye like this before. Suddenly it became inevitable that I would have to deal with this and it became clear to me what I had to do. I picked him up and carried him to his old favorite perch at the window. I couldn't take him away without one last view from his favorite window. As soon as I layed him down on his little bed that we kept up there, I lost it again. This time I cried harder than I had at any other time before this. I was forced again to realize that this would be the last time my cat would look out this window. Guilt hit me again as I understood now that I was taking him to be killed. What kind of person did this make me, was I a cold hearted bastard for taking my old friend in to die? How could I, fuck that if it was the right thing to do I still felt like shit for considering it.
After about 20 minutes we finally got the courage to put him in his cage and drive to the vet. My wife decided that she could not go in the room with him and I would stay with him until it was over. The vet tried to reassure me that this was the right thing and that ending his suffering was best. Jazz was so good sat there as if he was at complete peace. The vet gave him the injection and I just stood there petting him as if it would make a fucking difference. It happened before I realized that he was no longer breathing. I could not stop petting him and felt another wave of crying coming but did not want to lose it in the vet's office just in case some kid was out there scared for their own pet. It didn't help when the last bit of air in his lungs just seemed to puff out and made it definite that he was gone. My last view of my friend was him being carried off for eventual cremation looking no different than any other dead animal I had ever seen.
I still cry occassionally when I really think about that day or when I catch myself missing him being next to me when I was on my computer or when I think about all the little cool qwirks he had. Dammit I miss him and never thought I would which probably makes it worse. When did I become so attached to him and not realize it. I used to think it was cliche when people would proclaim that you needed to tell and show those that you love that you do everyday as tomorrow is never promised to you. Well it is true and some days I would give anything to have some of that time back to let him know that I did love him more than I showed him and that he will always be my friend. I love you Jazz.
Now properly given his name of Jazz or Jazzie as my wife loved to call him, this cat became a mainstay of my next two apartments as he often found his favorite spots before I did. The funny thing about Jazz was that he had to have been a Gemini because he definitely displayed two personalities depending on if my wife was around or not. When it was just me and him in my apartment, he was my best friend constantly staying on my heels but when she would come over he fliped the script on me and would run out of his way to get past me as if I was beating him to get that little extra attention from my wife in her usual drawn out crying of his name Jazzzzzzieeeee! I swear the little stinker had it all planned out to make sure that he could never do wrong in her eyes.
Well since my wife and I had no children, Jazz was basically the fill in for that role in our household. The good thing was Jazz was very low maintenance as cats go since his favorite activity was a good nap and rarely put up much fuss for anything unless he was hungry and his bowl was empty. Over time Jazz let one of his personalities go and decided that I was finally his favorite and began to latch on me harder than he ever did with my wife. At the time I found this new attention extremely annoying as he often would poke his head under my hand right when I was in the middle of a particularly wicked gaming session. Little did I know how much this little activity of his would be important to me later.
Now keep in mind that a lot of Jazz's habits bothered the hell out of me, his new passion was to plant himself in that little nook between my office chair and the floor often without my knowledge which made moving around very difficult. But when it came to it he was still my oldest cat (we had two at this point) and I made sure that he was ignored with the occassional ear rubbing sessions that lasted just long enough for me to feel he was feeling special again.
During my last business trip my wife called concerned about Mr. Jazz. It seems that Jazz had taken to throwing up 4 times that day which wasnt all that unusual from Jazz as he had his moments when he would get too greedy with food and end up puking it up. So needless to say we were concerned but not to the point of being too worried about it just yet. Jazz had shown behavior like this before when I had been out of town so we hoped that when I returned in a day he would perk up like he always did when I got home. I got home and it did seem that the old man had perked up and was happy that I was home.
Well now he was showing strange signs in that he seemed a little sluggish and way to interested in his water dish. He spent so much time laying down with a slightly confused look on his face. What began to tip us off that something was wrong with him as he was now no longer participating in his favorite two activites one being laying in his favorite window and the other being eating food. For the next few days we hoped that he would come out of this funk he seemed to be in and get back to his old self. Alas he was not changing his new routine and was starting to have this really nasty drool off his mouth.
I rushed him to the vet to see what was wrong with me and noticed today his breath had a horrible smell to it that was much worse than the usual cat breath. The vet noticed it right away and seemed concerned and ordered bloodwork done on him. Unfortunately I got there too late for the daily pickup for the lab so I would have to wait till that weekend to find out the results of his test. The vet prepared me with the two most likely situations in which one was renal failure and the other just being feline diabetes. As horrible as it sounds I hoped for diabetes as at least we could deal with that even if the medications were expensive.
I had a weekend away from home planned with the wife as this happened to be the weekend after valentines day. We thought about how we would deal with giving him shots or whatever we would have to do to keep him around. It wasn't until early Saturday morning when we would get our answer. The vet called to tell me that Jazz's results came back and showed that he was in complete renal (kidney) failure and there was nothing that we could do except put him asleep to end his suffering. Even though I was prepared for this result, now that it was in my face my reaction to it was nothing like I expected. I hung up the phone telling the vet that I would be by as soon as possible to take care of the situation.
I break the news to my wife and it still feels like a lie coming out of my mouth as I don't want to believe it. And then it happened...emotion began pouring out of me. I always considered myself very contained when it came to emotional outbursts and usually able to not react like others do in emotional situations. Why did I now feel so much for this cat that merely days before I felt annoyed the shit out of me when I wanted solitude? Guilt poured out of me unlike ever before. Was this all my fault? Should I have seen this coming? The wife and I sat there for an hour crying about this as we got dressed to head home and pick up Jazz.
When we hit the door, it floored me all over again as his face was the first I saw as we entered the house. I still wasnt ready for all of this. I never had to look death in the eye like this before. Suddenly it became inevitable that I would have to deal with this and it became clear to me what I had to do. I picked him up and carried him to his old favorite perch at the window. I couldn't take him away without one last view from his favorite window. As soon as I layed him down on his little bed that we kept up there, I lost it again. This time I cried harder than I had at any other time before this. I was forced again to realize that this would be the last time my cat would look out this window. Guilt hit me again as I understood now that I was taking him to be killed. What kind of person did this make me, was I a cold hearted bastard for taking my old friend in to die? How could I, fuck that if it was the right thing to do I still felt like shit for considering it.
After about 20 minutes we finally got the courage to put him in his cage and drive to the vet. My wife decided that she could not go in the room with him and I would stay with him until it was over. The vet tried to reassure me that this was the right thing and that ending his suffering was best. Jazz was so good sat there as if he was at complete peace. The vet gave him the injection and I just stood there petting him as if it would make a fucking difference. It happened before I realized that he was no longer breathing. I could not stop petting him and felt another wave of crying coming but did not want to lose it in the vet's office just in case some kid was out there scared for their own pet. It didn't help when the last bit of air in his lungs just seemed to puff out and made it definite that he was gone. My last view of my friend was him being carried off for eventual cremation looking no different than any other dead animal I had ever seen.
I still cry occassionally when I really think about that day or when I catch myself missing him being next to me when I was on my computer or when I think about all the little cool qwirks he had. Dammit I miss him and never thought I would which probably makes it worse. When did I become so attached to him and not realize it. I used to think it was cliche when people would proclaim that you needed to tell and show those that you love that you do everyday as tomorrow is never promised to you. Well it is true and some days I would give anything to have some of that time back to let him know that I did love him more than I showed him and that he will always be my friend. I love you Jazz.
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